Taking A Parental Pause
As parents we are conditioned to believe we should have all the answers and solutions to all the questions and problems presented to us throughout our parenting journey. But even the most seasoned parent needs to take a parental pause to figure out what to do. If you think about it – no matter how many children a parent has, we are parenting our specific child at this specific age (and developmental age) for the first time because no child or sibling is the same, their needs, personality, temperament, etc. are different than any other sibling them may have.
So why do we forget or fail to realize it is ok to take a parental pause to think about what the best course of action is? I’m not sure if my children think I know everything – I’m sure my son will quickly tell you that I don’t! And when I can take some time to really consider the options or how best to respond I come up with solutions or answers that are more inline with what my children need and that are thoughtful. It also teaches my kids that they can take time to noodle on how to respond or act in situations that aren’t clearly outlined. I know when I take a pause, the less I have to revisit a situation or conversation, retract my previous statement or apologize for my actions or reactions because I had the power of time, and was better equipped to be level headed, and therefore a better, calmer person and mother.
So as we enter a new year and are inspired to be a bit better than our 2024 selves, I invite you take a parental pause whenever you need to take a moment. Here’s how:
[your child presents you with a problem, hard hitting question, etc.]
1. Pause
2. Repeat your child’s words to show them that you’ve listened to them. Sometimes all they really need is to feel heard. But when they do need a solution or answer, allowing them to feel heard is times of need is a sure way to ensure that your child will continue to come to you with problems in which they need help and guidance.
3. Promise your child that you will return with an answer
4. Revisit the question or problem, let them you know you’ve given it some thought and explain how you got to that answer. This helps them recognize taking time to provide a thoughtful solution or answer is a good practice. Through thorough explanation about your thought process teaches children how to problem solve by giving them a model of how your problem solve. Lastly, you are continuing to work on communication between you and your child.
It is okay not to have an immediate solution to all the questions and problems presented by children and in our parenting journey. And when you can’t come up with a solution or you have numerous questions that you cant figure out on your own, The Parenting Collaborative is here to help you. We can walk you through child development, researched-backed, personalized solutions for you, your child, and your family.
what to do next:
You don’t have to have every answer in the moment. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can model for our kids is pausing - showing them that thoughtfulness matters more than quick reactions.
And when the questions or challenges feel bigger than what you can solve alone, I’ve got you. I can help you take that pause, gather clarity, and return with confidence.
Book a Free Consultation when you need a sounding board before reacting in the heat of the moment.
Clarity + Action Package gives you steady, ongoing support so you can pause, reflect, and respond with strategies that actually work.
Explore toolkits like Feelings in Full Color for scripts, reframes, a real tools when you’re caught off guard.
You don’t have to figure it all out on the spot. Let’s press pause together and come back stronger.
References:
Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 865–878. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.001
Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2017). The boy who was raised as a dog: And other stories from a child psychiatrist’s notebook. New York, NY: Basic Books.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. New York, NY: Bantam.
Spinrad, T. L., & Eisenberg, N. (2019). Emotion regulation, effortful control, and development across the life span. In K. Deater-Deckard, A. A. P. von Suchodoletz, & J. J. McCrae (Eds.), Self-regulation in health and illness across the lifespan (pp. 53–76). Routledge.
