If your kid says they understand why we don't hit (or kick, scratch, bite), and then does it again anyway, the yes probably isn't the problem you think it is.

Every parenting resource tells you how to end a tantrum faster. Nobody told you that ending it is exactly what blocks the brain development happening inside it. Here is what the research actually says, and what it means for what you do next time.

When we distract a child away from a big feeling, the behavior stops. But the feeling doesn't. Research on habitual distraction shows that children repeatedly moved past their emotional experience rather than through it develop measurable difficulty identifying their own feelings and reading others over time. What actually happens to feelings that never get processed, and what parents can do in the specific developmental window that is open right now.