Conversations Every Parent Should Have with Their Teen About Screen Time
Screens are everywhere and no matter what age your child is, it is a constant in your child’s life. While parents of younger children may dread the day their child asks for a phone and now have pacts with other families to wait until they are in 8th grade, so children are able to develop time management skills and have more time without the constant distraction of phones and screens. Teen parents on the other hand are in the thick of screens of all kinds – computers and iPads for school, iPads and phones for everything, and more than just entertainment. Technology use is shaping how teens make and keep friends and peers, shape and define their identity, and impact their worldviews and in all truthfulness – how the world views them. As parents, it’s crucial not to focus solely on limiting screen time, but instead on guiding our kids to use technology mindfully and meaningfully.
Common Sense Media suggest parents partake in the following four elements of technology education with their teens.
1. Start Conversations Early and Often
Don’t wait for a problem to occur. Normalize talking about what they’re seeing and how they are processing that information, what they are doing on social media (what are the posting, commenting, liking), and feeling online (how does what they are seeing, responding to, posting, and other people’s actions and presence make them feel)? It is important to remind them that people often post the highlights without truly turning a lens on the reality of their everyday life. Keeping up with the Jones’ is impossible. The sooner they realize and take that to heart, the better they will feel about what they see online. Even adults fall victim to this, and it can be crippling, depressing, anxiety inducing – so talk often about this so teens know they aren’t alone if/when these feelings begin. It is important to work on regulation tools to circumvent these feelings for them and for us as well!
2. Focus on Balance, Not Bans
A healthy tech relationship involves learning how to balance screens with offline life — sleep, friendships, exercise, family time, and schoolwork and activities. If need be, set timers that are mutually agreed upon between parents and teens as a shared control practice allowing teens to make meaningful decisions about their usage and autonomy. This way they are more likely to go along with a mutual agreed upon time than one implemented without their input. Remember, we are trying to give teens more autonomy and input into their lives. When they can be a part of the decisions made for them, think about the consequences and benefits of their behavior – the more likely they are to make better decisions regarding those topics we include them on.
3. Talk About Online Identity
Kids are building a digital presence whether we talk about it or not. Help them reflect on who they want to be online and how they treat others. My mother gave me the most powerful advice even before online identities were a thing – you can never take back what you write, what you take a picture of or are pictured in. Even if it is deleted, it may still exist somewhere. This wasn’t meant to scare me, and it isn’t meant to scare teens. But it is a reminder that we don’t always control the imaging we post or alter with various apps, and those pictures or words can come back and represent something they are no longer are as they are constantly growing. This is a take heed lesson we can only hope they listen to.
4. Build Critical Thinking Skills
Teach kids to question what they consume. Is this ad trying to sell something? Is this news story true? Building media literacy is essential. There is so much misinformation, so teaching teens to not only question but give them the tools to research sources and make decisions of the factuality of information is going to behoove them in and outside the classroom.
When parents have these conversations early and often, teens are better equipped to manage tech in healthy, thoughtful ways. They’ll be less vulnerable to online risks and better prepared to thrive in a digital world. Let’s give them these critical skills to venture into the technological world they will inhabit for a very long time.
References:
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2016). Media and Young Minds. Pediatrics, 138(5), e20162591. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-2591
Common Sense Media. (2024). 4 Conversations to Have with Older Kids and Teens About Their Screen Time Habits. Retrieved from https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/4-conversations-to-have-with-older-kids-and-teens-about-their-screen-time-habits
Pew Research Center. (2020). Parenting Children in the Age of Screens. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org
Radesky, J. S., Kistin, C. J., Eisenberg, S., Gross, J., Block, G., Zuckerman, B., & Silverstein, M. (2016). Parenting in the age of digital technology: A national survey. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 37(9), 735–741.
American Psychological Association. (2023). Health Advisory on Social Media Use in Adolescence. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/05/social-media-use-adolescents
