Why Dad Play Is a Big Deal (Like, Brain-Wiring Big)
When we think about parenting and early childhood development, research and conversations most often center around moms—and for good reason, they are often the primary caregivers and attachment figure. But here’s something that doesn’t get talked about enough: Dad’s ability to shape their child’s cognitive and emotional development through their superpower.
And one of the most powerful tools dads have in their parenting toolbox? PLAY. You may have heard that play is a big dad flex but let’s dig in as to why!
So why is play with dad so special?
Research shows that fathers tend to engage in more physical, spontaneous, and unpredictable play with their children compared to mothers. This kind of play teaches kids how to:
Handle excitement and regulate over arousal levels (yep, that “getting too wild” energy is actually a teaching moment). When dad uses the over arousal that is bound to happen during play and teach children how to regulate in the moment, children have shown to have better emotional regulation skills, less frustration, and are less physically aggressive.
Problem-solving in real-time in a safe place with a safe person who can help with expressing needs and concerns, active listening, empathy development, acknowledge differing needs, compromise, flexibility and adaptability that can help in a multitude of situations.
Cope with frustration when things don’t go their way, along with compromise and negotiation and identifying shared goals, again, in a safe and fun setting that might not feel like a learning experience.
Practice boundaries and social cues through fun, rough-and-tumble moments.
In short: Dad play is a masterclass in emotional regulation and executive functioning—without the flashcards.
Dads = Emotional Role Models
Let’s bust another myth while we’re here: Dads are more than just “fun.” When dads model emotional expression, whether it’s talking about feeling frustrated, excited, anxious, or proud, they’re teaching kids that emotions are normal, manageable, safe to share, and they are there to help and weather the storm of a tantrum or big feelings. Gone are the days when men are expected to suppress their emotions. When fathers express and discuss their emotions it helps children develop:
Emotional intelligence (EQ) by naming, identifying, sitting with, and finding ways to cope
Secure attachment by being a safe place to come to for comfort without a child’s emotion being shunned. This comfort is a pivotal element in secure attachment.
Confidence in expressing themselves – whether it is good or bad. When both mom and dad hold space for children’s emotions, children have practice expressing themselves and will be more likely to do so in various situations both in and outside the home.
It’s Not About Being Perfect. It’s About Being Present.
You don’t need to be a child psychologist or a Pinterest-perfect parent to have an impact on your child. When dads show up— whether its on the floor building blocks, tossing a ball, narrating feelings during a meltdown—they’re helping their child build lifelong skills that directly correlate to lifelong health and happiness.
Your presence teaches resilience. Your calm teaches regulation. Your joy teaches connection.
Want to Strengthen Your Connection Through Play?
If you're looking for easy, research-backed ways to support your child's emotional regulation through play and connection—We've got you.
➡️ www.theparentingcollaborative.com/contact —we love helping dads feel confident and connected in their parenting.
References:
Cabrera, N. J., Shannon, J. D., & Tamis-LeMonda, C. S. (2007). Fathers’ influence on their children’s cognitive and emotional development: From toddlers to pre-K. Applied Development Science, 11(4), 208–213. https://doi.org/10.1080/10888690701762100
Grossmann, K., Grossmann, K. E., Fremmer-Bombik, E., Kindler, H., Scheuerer-Englisch, H., & Zimmermann, P. (2002). The uniqueness of the child–father attachment relationship: Fathers’ sensitive and challenging play as a pivotal variable in a 16-year longitudinal study. Social Development, 11(3), 301–337. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9507.00202
Lamb, M. E., & Lewis, C. (2010). The development and significance of father–child relationships in two-parent families. In M. E. Lamb (Ed.), The role of the father in child development (5th ed., pp. 94–153). John Wiley & Sons.
Paquette, D. (2004). Theorizing the father-child relationship: Mechanisms and developmental outcomes. Human Development, 47(4), 193–219. https://doi.org/10.1159/000078723
Tamis-LeMonda, C. S., Shannon, J. D., Cabrera, N. J., & Lamb, M. E. (2004). Fathers and mothers at play with their 2- and 3-year-olds: Contributions to language and cognitive development. Child Development, 75(6), 1806–1820. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2004.00818.x
